Things that make you go hmmmm: Holiday Edition

There are many things in life that I just don't get:

1. Why anyone would stand in line outside a (fill-in-the-big-box-store) in the freezing cold at 4:15AM on Black Friday so they could spend 20 minutes shopping amidst hordes of other bargain-hunters, then stand in line for over 2 hours to check out, all to save a few bucks on holiday gifts. Nothing against Kohl's, but is there truly anything there worth getting up at 3AM to buy? Why not just buy less stuff, or spend less money, get some sleep, and shop at a sane time? Same expenditure, much more sanity.

2. Why anyone would run out the day after Thanksgiving to buy a cut Christmas tree from one of the multitude of roadside stands that's popped up in many a parking lot in the past week. First of all, the tree sellers aren't going anywhere for at least another month. Secondly, They. Never. Run. Out. Of. Trees. Believe me. There will be just as many trees there on Christmas Eve as there are right now. Thirdly, what's the big rush? You have a whole month to go! You're not going to save any money or win any awards for being the first to put up your tree! Do you just like dry crumbly trees and a carpet of needles on your floor for Santa to slip on Christmas morning?

3. Parents going through insane rituals of aggravation, sleep deprivation, and even hand-to-hand combat to get their kids some must-have toy or other item for the holidays. I personally will not EVER be one of those people camping out in line overnight, ready to rush a big-box store for some new video gaming system or the latest Whatever-Me Elmo. My parents did not do these things (not even for Cabbage Patch Kids!), and yet I still felt loved and cherished. It would be one thing if the item was lifesaving sustenance or medicine for my child. But it's not. My children's lives will not be irreparably ruined because their friends got Nintendo the first day it came out and they didn't get it until (horrors!) a few weeks or a month later. I am not giving up sleep to shop as a competitive sport and give my kids instant gratification. Also, see #1 above.

4. Why our modern-day lives have gotten so hectic and overwhelming that people who can afford it feel they need one of these. And why, despite my sad and regretful head-shaking over how hectic and overwhelming life has become, I'm still completely and insanely jealous of those who can afford it.

5. How my dog can possibly be comfortable sleeping like this (see above). Yes, his head is on his butt. He conks out in this pose quite often. He also can fall asleep with his front half on someone's lap and his back legs standing on the floor. Apparently he is a German shorthaired pointing contortionist.

6. Why seemingly every '80s compilation out there has either the Eurythmics' "Sweet Dreams Are Made of This" or Blondie's "Call Me" on it? Those of us who love the '80s enough to buy compilations are sick of these two songs. They are overplayed as it is.

7. Why anyone likes that creepy Frank Sinatra-David Bowie "Do You Hear What I Hear" duet. Or that lame-ass song about the Christmas shoes. I'll take the entire Chipmunks Christmas album over either of those songs, any day.

8. Will Ferrell. He's just not funny to me. Ever. I try and I try to appreciate the guy, and every movie, every skit, seems to start out with some promise of hopefully being funny and ends up just being (IMHO) stupid and annoying. I wonder whether the current generation of teens and young adults finds him and the current SNL crop as funny as we did back in the days of oh, Dana Carvey and Mike Myers and Kevin Nealon. Of course, they're probably all too busy with MySpace, YouTube, and their iPods to pay attention to network TV comedy, unless it involves Justin Timberlake singing about a dick in a box. Sigh....

9. Rabid drunken sports fans. This story just made me ill. I don't know who I'm more ashamed of, the males or the females.

So call me The Grinch. I can live with that.